“Pornography-related virus”

Full-on swooning because that outfit is dope!

and they don’t stop coming

I remember the 1900s

I can only count to four

I’m sorry I’m old, too

Who told you I was inventing artificial peepee!?

Quit laying blame on my fart

My fart…

My fart.

I should have known I did shart

Yes. You’re literally repeating what I just told you.

When people tell me “I thought you were gay,” or whatever, I reply, “I’m not, but thank you for noticing me.”

My gay friends have told me that I’m one of the least gay people they’ve ever seen. I don’t totally know what that means, but it weirdly hurts.

What didn’t Microsoft steal?

I know you are, but what I am too, also.

Democrats are going to come

He’s going to blow them away!

They call that the “squirrel nut”

That genuinely hurt more than it should have. It’s all fun and games until a polite commenter makes us reflect upon ourselves.

God damnit, I could hear that comment.

My 2-star review: Someone shit on this TV before returning it. I wanted to give the TV one star because it doesn’t function without Internet. But I’m adding a star because that turd was fucking massive and it’s pretty cool to shit on something like this before returning it.

I skipped a couple of comments on the way, but immediately locked in on this incredibly proper denial. I’d like to participate.

Yes, I think you really do believe so.

Did you ever try typing “I want to kill Bill Gates,” highlighting it, and checking for suggested corrections, in which it would list “I’ll drink to that.”

Back when computers couldn’t possibly have gotten more advanced

21 gun salute straight into that cursed grave