Is it clear?
Every piece of love advice I received as a kid in the 90s and 00s was equivalent to “try harder” or “pursue” or “don’t give up” and they made it sound so good. My poor wife… The early years couldn’t have been easy for her.
You’re not alone. Same. My wife is wonderful and I’m glad she challenged me to question some of my behaviors.
Hey Alec thanks so much for stopping by! We’re trans inclusive women only so please don’t comment again and have a lovely weekend
Hey I’m a woman, why do you feel the need to say trans inclusive, and not just “women only” this is my first time discovering this instance. And it comes off as performative although I see you’re drawing a line in the sand between you and the terfs-- but imo you’re just acknowledging the existence of terfs more than validating trans women.
I don’t think it’s a useful strategy to not acknowledge the existence of terfs or trans people. In a lot of similar communities there is always the question of whether trans people are actually included or not, and even if so, who under the trans spectrum, which always makes me uncertain about my place.
And also, just ignoring problems such as terfs is not a solution. They exist whether their existence is acknowledged or not, sweeping things under the rug isn’t helpful
Though, yeah, it is made clear in the rules, which I appreciate
Hey Mika welcome to WomensStuff we’re really glad to have you. I say it for several reasons, including that we welcome all groups under the trans umbrella.
Hey Quantum thanks for your perspective! We’re a trans inclusive women only community so please dont comment again thanks for understanding 😊
Are you sure they’re not trans?
I’m not. Blocking the community.
For enforcing the rules? Seems a little harsh
I’m sure you’ll be missed greatly. Everybody misses people who casually break the rules and then get pissed off when politely asked to abide by them. Their contributions would undoubtedly have been completely and utterly priceless.
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Buy-bye! Don’t let the door hit you on the way out. It’s a bit heavy and leads to some awkward stumbling.
I’m go glad my mom taught me from a young age that no means no whether I say it or others do. Unfortunately the latter stuck harder than the former… Well actually if only one could stick I suppose the better did
A gross retort I heard that’s always stuck with me: “a boyfriend’s a speed bump, not a stop sign”
🤮
Wish I could go back to my younger self just so I could tell that guy (and the others) to go fuck themselves.
“just because there’s a goalie doesn’t mean you can’t score”
🤮
yeah me too
Oh wow! That’s somehow even grosser than the speed bump thing! 😮
I knew a girl who said I wasn’t a man if I took no for an answer. She ended up raping me and giving me a disease but as a victim there was nothing I could do.
Cool story, bro. One that totally happened, I’m sure. Maybe you should share it in a group where your posting isn’t explicitly against the rules?
One that totally happened, I’m sure.
what do you mean by this?
Thanks for all your reports in this thread guys! Really appreciate you helping the mods keep WomensStuff safe
Thanks to the mods for the unrewarding work of filtering away the incels, MGTOW, MRA, PUA, and “nice guys” that tend to plague any women’s space.
You’re welcome ZDL 😊
“aaahhhhahaha okayyy…”, also no. But I probably need to work on being more direct.
Yeah I do basically the same thing, it’s rough when you actually want something but on the outside seem uncertain or reserved because you internally constantly think people hate you haha. And then it makes it difficult for the other person
Probably why I enjoy saying like “do whatever unless I say [safe word]”. But still something that I need to work on, and actually be like, directly communicating. It’s healthy
Edit: on a second read, I slightly misinterpreted your comment, but I’ll leave it
Eh, it goes both ways. I don’t ask for what I want or object clearly to the things I don’t want. One of the many reasons I have just decided to abstain from absolutely everything for now. Still haven’t figured out the correct way to accept a drunken compliment without accidentally inviting further advances though.
“Thank you for the compliment. Pity I can’t return it.”
That would likely end any further conversation along those lines.
Or to put it in the words of The Monks: “Nice legs, shame about yer face.”
Pull my finger.
Bananahamock
Respect women with attitude.
I love this comment because I read it as show your respect via attitude.
Everyone deserves to be heard, especially when they so “no”.
Even if it is about vaccines.
Me not letting Billy fuck me isn’t a contagious disease that’ll kill my parents, you dumb fuck.
I’m drunk is not an invitation. Fucken maggots.
Also, if she SHOULD mean yes but says no she doesn’t deserve it, for bad communication skills.
Love this!!
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“Yes” means “Yes, but I reserve the right to say no at any point.”
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You say this like it’s a bad thing. Or am I misreading?
It was in response to another post.
It’s not a bad thing.
OK, just checking. :) Thanks for clarifying.
Sometimes even yes means no. Plenty of women still have an ‘I have to please’ chip on their shoulder and haven’t fully fleshed out their own boundaries.
The golden rule is, if there’s too much confusion in the yes/no department, you’re misaligned and it’s probably healthiest to move on.
Hey king thanks for swinging by! We’re trans inclusive women only so please don’t comment again thanks for understanding 😊
Oh sorry. Someone gendered me for me apparently.
I understand what you’re trying to do. Seeing how you’re actively trying to keep a part of the userbase out, perhaps you can reduce the mod load by having a private community for this. Better yet would be a c/womenstuffopen community that automatically mirrors posts from the private community into open discussion for all (including those who don’t wish to be publicly gendered).
Feel free to delete all my stuff and ban me too (no offence taken) as I will probably respond to something else again if it pops up in my feed and I find it interesting.
Thanks for your suggestion King! Think it’s best I politely ban you so that you don’t forget and comment. Really appreciate your consideration ❤️
Although I get your point, the other side of the coin is that plenty of guys are really bad at picking up on emotional cues. So unless you actually say no, not all guys will understand yes is actually no.
You broke one of the only rules, knowing the rules, to post this uninspiring, milquetoast comment that doesn’t add anything of value to an already crystal-clear message?
I’ll agree with the others here, “Yes” only means “Yes” if it’s enthusiastic, legal, and ongoing.
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Delete this too, you shouldn’t be here.
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Hey Zach thanks so much for saying hi! I agree with your comment, but we are trans inclusive women only so please don’t comment again 🥰
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Thoughts on this?
Sex should always be 100% consensual. If someone says ‘no’, then you must stop. If you don’t then that’s rape as far as I’m concerend. But would you acknowledge there’s nuance in playful protest?
Also, there’s also a growing (and understandable) feeling that consent can’t be given under the influence of alcohol. However, where i come from our population would probably be half it’s size if that were always true.
Also, if you have sex drunk and regret it later, there’s an argument that the person you had sex with has taken advantage. That’s a tricky one to navigate.
Bill Burr can be very funny, but in the end he’s right there just reciting the mantra of every man who heard “no” and thought “she just needs more persuasion”.
Is he right that this sometimes happens? Undoubtedly. Sexual dynamics are EXTREMELY complicated. Is this the norm? Certainly not in my experience. A lot of the times people use the style he’s mocking there TO DISARM A SITUATION where SOMEONE WHO CAN HURT THEM BADLY WITH EASE might get VERY FUCKING ANGRY because you said “no”.
I sometimes think “man or bear?” was the wrong idea. It should be “man and bear”. Locked into a room. So that men can learn what it’s like to be physically weaker in the presence of something stronger than them and very aggressive to boot.
I hear you, but worth mentioning that most men have been in the presence of something stronger and aggressive, in the form of other men. From abusive father’s, older siblings, to the general school environment. Violence and the threat of violence is something men feel growing up and it doesn’t really go away.
I’m not saying that threat isn’t more acute for women, or minimizing that lived experience - when a man is trying to force himself onto you it must be terrifying and I know from my sisters and wife that it happens a lot, and often in more subtle and low-key ways than outright aggression (although that’s often the underlying threat).
But yeah… as someone who’s been beaten up a few times just for being in the wrong place at the wrong time, or wearing the wrong t-shirt, I’m under no illusion as to how dangerous men can be.
Hi yeah thanks for saying hi! Yes absolutely agree male violence against men matters. We are a women’s only community so please don’t comment again thanks for understanding 🥰
My apologies, I hadn’t appreciated that - all the best
You too mate
Haven’t watched the video, but regarding the playful protest point
Discuss it beforehand. Talk about expectations or wants, say that you enjoy playful protest and want it to happen, and, most critically of all, set up a safe word. Have a word like “red” or “banana” or whatever else you want, that both of you agree upon, that, when uttered, everything stops.
Oh, for sure. Once you’re in a relationship then there’s a whole world to explore, as consent is established. But the video (comedically/crudely depending on your own sense of humour) alludes to very early flirtation and the games people play, where a grey area arises as one party wants the other to believe that they are somehow reluctant to proceed (although they’re not), to somehow present the idea that they’re not usually promiscuous, perhaps to massage the ego of the instigator. The concept of ‘sweet surrender’ is explored in countless romantic works and is definitely a thing - and not something that should be conflated with rape, is I guess what i’m trying to put across.
If both people are drunk it’s inadvisable but not immoral imo. If only the other person is drunk, you’d definitely be taking advantage of them and I don’t think that’s right.
Yeah, hard agree on that. Many, many people have made poor decisions when inebriated. They’ve got over it and moved on. But when one person is sober it definitely feels like an abuse of power.
If someone says ‘no’, then you must stop. If you don’t then that’s rape as far as I’m concerend.
That’s not just as far as you’re concerned. That’s the DEFINITION.
Totally clear. 👍
It’s a desire not a drive.
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