Yes, the alternative is cutting down trees and that’s horrible

I thought I was good enough to go out and rent Chronicles of Riddick but I ended up with Chronicles of Red Dick, some movie about dog breeders having to jerk off dogs for sperm. I can’t do anything right.

I’m a dolphin, don’t listen to this guy he won’t teach you anything. But please come to my dolphin class where you’ll be taught how to clean out my snotty blowhole, I’ve had a cold for 3 weeks.

Tiny knobs fit in more places, I once watched my uncle shove his inside a straw then suck the other end. He won first prize at the farmers market talent show that summer.

Turn that thing into a fleshlight

Cum

My mechanic’s uncle called me neurospicy because my favorite TV show is “it’s always smelly in smegmadelphia”. I told him I like spicy food and I do have neurons so he was right.

Can I eat it?

No, it makes him me.

Steak and cheese was the first one I ever discovered when I was like 12 years old, what a time to have eyes

The pain Olympics one where the guy takes a hatchet to his balls was also awful to look at

My sister’s brother has the opposite problem. He had to invent Knob Softener™ reverse boner pills just so he could take a break from all the shnoggin’ he was doing with his AliExpress lead lined fleshlight.

Camera hasn’t been invented yet where I’m from

Yeah it’s unfortunate, she’s stuck working out of care.tripod.com/angelfire-geocities/melamine-tits.html now but hopefully she’s done well for herself

I’ve got one of these that my grandma made for me when I was 7. She used to go scavenging for dead animals in the local parks for taxidermy purposes and she made me one with various parts she found of Cardinal, Robin and squirrel paws. It’s the cleanest soap dispenser I’ve ever used and now that I’m almost 50 I still use it every day. My wife hates it because it’s old and falling apart so I told her when she dies I’ll have a taxidermist turn her into a new one.

Oh so you do know her? We call her melamine Melanie because her breast milk is full of melamine, and boy did I ever drink that stuff up.

Lol nah I’m good dude.

No background checks is right up my alley because my dentist says I suffer from one of the following:

A) physical acceleration

B) debilitating Bananadine and peanut skin addiction

C) mental retardation

D) melamine poisoning

I’m not sure but I think it had to do with eating Pokemon

Sixteen weeks ago my optometrist gave me eye drops that contain small amounts of dirt to get my eyes used to it before I go on a Pokemon excursion for just this reason. He told me horror stories about people going and having dirt lobbed into their eyes and losing their sense of taste. Taste is one of my favorite senses and one of the main reasons I go on these Pokemon excursions. Nothing beats a charmander cooked by the fire of his own tail. In fact just last week I was talking with my coworker about her recent trip and she told me the best food she ate was a salad made of bulbasaur leaves. I was a bit confused because she’s a vegetarian and despite being made of plant matter bulbasaur are still living creatures.

Anyway, Pokemon are pretty neat so long as you don’t lose your sense of taste from them tossing dirt into your eyes. Be sure to go see your optometrist before any trips out there.