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Authorities in the Russian Republic of Chechnya have announced a ban on music that they consider too fast or slow.
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Music too fast? Straight to jail.
Music too slow? Believe it or not, straight to jail.
Just a little bit too perfect? Burned for witchcraft
and after the burning, whatever is left, straight to jail.
Sounds like a healthy form of governance. People can’t be trusted to manage tempo on their own. They should do this for heart rates as well.
Checks out. If your heart rate is too slow or too fast you’re probably doing a sin.
VladBit health health trackers now mandatory. Better keep yours charged up or gulag for you.
We have the technology
Straight to jail! Right away!
Thanks to jail we have the most moderate musical tempo in the world!
darude sandstrom ✖️
careless whisper ✖️
never gonna give you up ✔️
YMCA by Village People? We’ll give it a pass ✔️
Why they’re a 3min and a 7min version of sandstorm?
3 min sounds like a radio cut
80 to 116 BPM. I actually chuckled audibly that the BPM was specified, I assumed it would be extremely vague.
They couldn’t even make it higher than the DAW defaults at 120bpm. So you have new musicians that have never recorded accidentally producing music at 120 and breaking the law. This is the dumbest shit I’ve seen since last week. I don’t typically put anything together that is below 120. Looks like I’m on my way to being a Chechen fugitive.
I’m sure that this will be blatantly enforced against “wrong” types of music that just so happen to be popular among groups the Chechen government, just like Disco Demolition Night was a thinly-veiled race riot.
Shocking.
No house, no techno?!
Suddenly a larger market for those sped up/slowed down ByteDance remixes, depending.
Phonk producers with normal, slowed and speedy versions of their songs were already prepared for this.
Simple fix: change the time signature. Boom.
exactly. quarter note at 200bpm is eighth note at 100bpm.
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What if you are practicing? Can you start slow on the hard bits or do you have to get it right straight away?
118 is plenty slow
I could never live any place that banned Jungle.
Ehh just cut it in half. Not like they’ll notice.
Are they just late for 1st of April?
April 1st was too fast for them so they opted to use April 8th.
April 9th would have meant straight to jail!
So, they just banned the Russian national anthem too, since that sits at 76 bpm?
I guess they only like the heavy metal remix.
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Not even Nazi Germany or Stalin’s Soviet Union had this arbitrary and stupid of a music ban.
Isis and taliban do tho. Chechnya is primarily muslim. But yea, another sign russia has become a dystopian nightmare
Doesn’t the IS make music propaganda videos?
I think IS are not too much into music, on the whole.
That’s so weird. So musical instruments are banned, but there is a loophole for a capella…
ISIS jihad nasheed remixes were a fun phenomenon for a while.
It’s not music they’re nasheeds (nasheeds r banger asf)
A nasheed (Arabic: نَشِيد, romanized: nashīd, lit. ‘chant’, plural Arabic: أَنَاشِيد, romanized: anāshīd) is a work of vocal music, partially coincident with hymns, that is either sung a cappella or with instruments, according to a particular style or tradition within Sunni Islam.
Yeah that’s the one
A nasheed … is a work of vocal music
Yep thats the definition
I think you seriously over-estimate the level of tolerance of Nazi Germany. The Nazis persecuted Degenerate Music just like they persecuted Degenerate Art.
I’m not saying that Nazi Germany didn’t ban music, they absolutely did ban entire genres of music as well as many composers. But they didn’t ban music based on its basic qualities like tempo.
They banned Solos and drum breaks
They broke the amen 😞
In Soviet Union, the rock genre was for a very long time existing underground due to the inability of artists to be properly published.
Only starting with the 1980s could the artists finally publish their songs officially. And even then Soviet government put a lot of measures to prohibit rock music in the country.
This resulted in the appearance of many beloved bands and artists, like
- Kino (tl. Cinema),
- DDT,
- Aria,
- Chaif,
- Grazhdanskaya Oborona (tl. Civil Defense),
- Mashina Vremeni (tl. Time machine),
- Sektor Gaza (tl. Gas Sector)
- Korol i Shut (tl. King and Jester)
- And many others
The history of Russian rock is actually quite fascinating. It was inspired by bard songs and often touched darker subjects as well as being satirical and judgmental of Soviet government.
Due to that, some artists, like Yegor Letov from Grazhdanskaya Oborona and Yuri Shevchuk from DDT, had troubles with KGB (Soviet FBI).
Nowadays, rock artists are still being persecuted for their views. For example, DDT is de facto prohibited from performing in Russia.
The Russian national anthem is 76 beats per minute lol….
Which is banned
So did they do this to ban the Russian anthem intentionally??
Hmmmm
Your logic isn’t very patriotic. Please allow yourself to be escorted to the nearest window.
Ok but what about double time? This rule is so ridiculous if it was a joke I would think it’s too unrealistic
The Onion is over here crying because it’s been having to low-ball reality for a decade.
I don’t know how they stay in business.
Because the next level is just absolute absurdity, so it really bangs. Or they just run rag articles when its absolutely absurd like this, practically reporting the news.
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They’re inching closer to the plot of Footloose.
There are so many movies that I’ve said, “that’s stupid, it would never happen”. I don’t say that anymore.
At this rate, I fully expect an article about a community buying gatorade in bulk to water their plants with
Well, it is what plants crave.
It has electrolytes
Wait… Did The Onion buy out CNN?
My exact thoughts as well. Im like:
“Huhh wtf, this cant be true. Ahh it must be the Onion. Wait wat… This is not the onion…”
Read up a bit on the Chechnyans and their relationship with Russia.
Apparently, their leaders were responsible for atrocities on par with typical Russians.
I don’t really have sympathy for them. They support people who assassinate journalists as a “birthday gift” to Putin.
Yeah they were rounding up their own citizens for years
I don’t know what you’ve read, but clearly not deep enough. As a “typical Russian” I find such comparison quite offensive.
113 bpm baby we’re solid!
I knew what this would be without question. Felt it in my bones. The old ways are still strong.
😊🖕
Good old XcQ link
I clicked it… on purpose. Never Gonna Give You Up is such a banger
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This is memeable, yes; but usually when news like this starts coming out a nation shit’s definitely gone sideways for it.
Eastern Europe is going though it right now. One of my old Polish colleagues fled to the UK becuase the Church is slowly taking over and becoming totalitarian. Even if you have a miscarriage you’d be investigated to see if “it was done on purpose” or not.
(From what I remember, this was just at the tail end of covid)
Interesting.
Putin’s rule over Russia is vastly different from Soviet Russia for many reasons but a big one is his friendship with the Eastern Orthodox Church.
That plus the Republican tie to the church is so strange.
I really wouldn’t be surprised if in the future they consider Christianity an organized crime syndicate of some sort. Overthrowing governments, definitely tied to human trafficking and I imagine they have hands in other shit too.
Fuck the church man, fuck all organized religions
Thankfully theocratical idjits are more tempered now by opposition but eh. Still shityy. Also, Poland is rather central europe, please do not group it with orks.
Seriously, music is as much free speech as any spoken or written word and can be incredibly powerful. Banning it shows an absurd amount of fear and hatred for any sense of individuality.
It just feels like a conservative one party government trying to fill in time before the next election with busy work.
Nothing pleases social conservatives more than cracking down on that weird music their kids listen to.
Writes a song at 115 BPM. Makes it use double time. Occasionally changes tempo to 161 BPM half-time. Adds three layers of polyrhythms to it. Spices things up with metric modulation between 4/4, 13/8 and 17/7. Hides a sample of the “trolololo song” somewhere in there.
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I guess next thing Kadyrov will make his horse a consul.
Or redesign the calendar naming a month after his horse, as the first post-Soviet dictator of Turkmenistan did.
Ah, the guy who also renamed ketchup!
Turkmenbashi, we hardly knew ye
