It’s a perfect metaphor for the performative Christianity they love: all show, no effort
He’s wearing a suit for fuck sakes.
You’re telling me they didn’t even nail him to it after?
We’re nailing him to it figuratively at least
A cross without wheels is poor people shit.
Well the entire thing was an insult to whoever wrote Matthew 6:5. Which is a proud Christian tradition, but Americans take it a whole new level.
Yes I wonder who wrote Matthew 6:5, if only there was some sort of a hint.
Honestly I’m surprised there aren’t more sects that explicitly reject Matthew by now. It’s the one that has the bulk of the “don’t be a dick” instructions.
Most of them seem to prefer John which can more easily be twisted into “if you’re a Christian you’re a winner and better than everyone who isn’t, no need to worry about the details, you’re already on the list”
John the Batshit and Luke the Boomer.
The traditional attribution of Gospels to their namesakes may not be entirely accurate – it’s plausible that it may incorporate material actually written by the Apostle Matthew, but also seems to lean on Mark and shares literary elements with Luke. There’s a whole scholarly debate on it, called the Synoptic Problem.
For all we know, the author might have been someone else drawing both on the teachings of the Apostle Matthew and the works of prior writers, or entirely based on different works and simply attributed it to Matthew. Hence, “whoever wrote” is probably the safest attribution possible.
Probably made of the lightest material possible. That dude is hardly struggling.
American style Christianity described in one image.
False. The cross is not self propelled with a $20 a month subscription.
With a black guy already nailed to it.
Needs a sponsorship. I like the sound of the Fanduel Cross to Bear.
A Nascar logo, the latest shit coin, and Grifters Big Dick Protein Powder.
CrossFit?
pfft why would i pay for a cross that doesn’t even have AI?
I will be added to the cross in the next release as decreed by the shareholders.
oh take my money then, as a smart tech investor i love paying for promises
Where is my aftermarket lifted cross to own the libs on top of a few slaves?
Gotta put some truck nuts on there, for good measure.
Welp, that gif is retired now.
Arrived from the heavens, died for our sins, but in the third season he was resurrected.
Jesus after seeing this pic:
And that even though people kept telling him: Jesus, take the wheel!
Nowhere in the bible is explicitly written, that Jesus didn’t think of that. Might have had wheels for all we know. Maybe he just skipped gym and was weak af. Or had the wrong wheels for the terrain ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Wrong
Matthew 4:20:69
“And lo, Jesus tried to explain that the cross would be much easier to carry if it has wheels yet the Roman said ‘lol, lmao’”
The wheels were being provided by Apple and so Jesus couldn’t afford them.
Somebody really knows his bible there.
ngl, you got me in the first half.
Skipped the gym? Not the Christ depicted in so many churches where he looks like an Olympic gymnast, 6 pack and all.
9 pack, he had an extra ab, like Batman.
Maybe he just thought, “Christ, I could really do with some wheels” the whole time
Well, to be fair, they are idiots…
So. That user name…
Maybe hes a wrestler
I like fisting and so does my fiancée
Mutual?
I’ve given it a go being on the receiving end because I’m no hypocrite, but it didn’t excite me
Did she lose her engagement ring?
Definitely not
Safety first!
Genuine question if you’re a dude, how did you prep to not blow out your O ring?
He knows what he’s about.
Oh oh oh! I rarely get to act this insincerely indignant!
hOw Do yOu KnOw It’S a GuY?
(But in all honesty I assumed the same thing) Going back to ask them, brb.
Yeah, I’m doing some assuming here, but here’s a (in my opinion) strong indicator: https://lemmy.dbzer0.com/post/53595968.
Holy shit I’m dieing! Cause it hasn’t really been shoved in my face yet, I was assuming Lemmy was without the porn stuff.
Yeah. As far as I know, most if not all the porn stuff is on the lemmynsfw instance, which coincidentally is where @[email protected] is from. Plus, the ‘[M]’ tag in the post’s title helps identify gender.
Is there a way to see all the nsfw stuff without the porn?
That’s one of my fiancée’s favourite videos of me!
I hope you liked it
It was a nice vid for sure!
Thanks!
To be fair the idiots are the followers. They are very smart scammers.
Holy shit this is the most accurate metaphorical depiction of modern Christians I’ve ever seen.
But it’s so heavy though.
It’s probably made out of balsa wood
I’m guessing Papier-mâché
Fun fact there’s a guy in my area who drags around a cross made of recycled oak pieces (bits of old furniture cut and glued together) every Easter. Apparently he made it out of raw spite about performative and hypocritical Christians, he is mildly insane and was not even vaguely phased by my crazed neo pagan schtick so take of that as you will.
I am a little curious about your crazed Neo Pagan schtick.
I was thinking about a full paegan one…
Not much to say about it, I just make batshit insane statements that wouldn’t be out of place in viking themed RPG. Shit like “The Norns must hate you for our fates to cross” and “Thine flesh will make a fine sacrifice to the many named god” note I usually avoid saying Odin since he is still so relevant to pop culture as to be effectively stripped of any erieness same with Thor, so I go down the borderline Lovecraft route of names and titles or I just use lesser known ones like Godin which I think is the Lombard version.
Some go further and abuse it (riding on a notorized cross)
If the cross is notarized, does that mean you have to sign for it?
It is carried by twelve slaves, so you have to command them and this privilege is obviously forged every so often
Forged you say, that’s ironic.
why didn’t Jesus think of that? Was he stupid?
Jesus would have survived crucifixion if he’d tried harder
On the other hand, I think he nailed it.
The thought must’ve crossed his mind, just to fuck with the mortals.
What are you talking about, he did survive it, though he slept for 3 days before going to say bye to his friends then goy the fuck out of there before the sick fucks tried again. He then went to Scandinavia where he taught the people to mostly be cool, but, worried about another backlash, told them that maybe one day they can raid and pillage every now and then as a treat.
Wait I got the rest of it, but what’s the Scandinavia part?
Just that Scandinavians are generally pretty chill but there was also those centuries of Viking raids. Plus, with the whole ascending thing, that’s about as far north as he could get.
As God, Jesus wouldn’t have died unless he wanted to. Jesus committed suicide by Roman(s).
You are correct if one were to assume the contents of the bible are an accurate representation of history; it’s mentioned several times during the passion. Effectively Jesus, being God, could have just noped out or gone Old Testament or whatever. He specifically talked about that in the garden of Gethsemane basically saying he knows what’s going to happen and is doing so voluntarily.
They didn’t have the wheel in the bronze age 🙃
If Jesus was so smart, why didn’t he think of this? Would have saved him a ton of work.
Clearly not a great carpenter.
Simon wouldn’t have to help him carry his own cross, what a loser. The poor guy was just standing there.
Work smart not hard. Probably didnt even need to die for ‘everyones’ sins. Considering most people aren’t Christian. The ROI just isnt there.
If Jesus had put that gold, frankincense, and myrth into a Roth IRA and just sat on it. Well, the church wouldn’t need an offering plate, Ill tell you that much.
He was just too fucking swole to bother
They hadn’t invented the wheel yet. I have a degree in history, so you can trust me.
Back on the Saturday before Easter I was driving down a highway when I saw police blocking the right lane. There was a church group walking along the road dragging a cross. I laughed my ass off when I noticed it had wheels. I only got a screen cap from a dashcam video.
Where I grew up there were three churches on the island.
An episcopal church at one end, a Methodist church in the middle and a catholic at the other end.
The episcopal priest would lug the cross to the Methodist church, the Methodist priest would take it over and lug it to the Catholic Church, then the Catholic priest would lug it up into the church and the theee priests would do a communal church service ahead of Easter.
No wheels.
Community.
Everyone welcome.
This was the church community I grew up in, I’m an atheist now because of what the rest of the churches in the world showed me.
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If they’re too lazy to even perform during their performative gestures, what’s the fucking point?!
They should just send a guy out there wearing a life size replica of Charlie Kirks head like a theme park mascot yelling “OBEY” followed by whatever they want their cult to do/feel/etc.
It’s rather poignant I think.
After all the guy they are honouring only ever paid lip service to the religion. So they should to.
🎶I’m here to remind you of the wheels you use on that cross you bear, It’s not fair!🎶
Hey when you’re making up the story you can control the entire narrative
No crown of thorns either. Amateur.
Thorns bite into my skin. And don’t get me started on sand. It’s coarse and rough and irritating… and it gets everywhere!
Even the woman and the children!
Turns out following the teachings of Jesus Christ and being a good person are too difficult for most Christians.
